In our  last  Marital  Moments we  discussed   how one  should "Listen  Until You Understand Completely  What  Is  Being  Said."  This  installment will  instruct the married couple on the important task of how to "Listen Carefully By  Giving The Speaker Your Full And Complete Attention".  Listening is extremely difficult work. Mental fatigue,  children, busy schedules,  careers,  and today's  media combine to distort or  to  destroy the  listening  capabilities of  the  individual.   Enemies of the listening ear also include fear of conflict, a dislike of what is being said, a disrespect of the other person, and an angry attitude.   Someone has well said that a person in normal conversation  can speak about 180 words  a minute.   However, your mind can  think in speeds of  300-500  words per  minute.  This extra "speed" allows the listener's  mind to  wander during the conversation.  When  this  "wandering" takes place the listener  is not giving the speaker her full and undivided attention.  During this  time the listener takes the opportunity  of thinking on what  she is going to say when the speaker stops speaking.  She can also think on the many other difficulties confronting  her at the moment. Thus  the things  the speaker is saying  go unheard and  unheeded.  When this takes place the  communication  between  husband and wife breaks down.  Undistracted attention must  be given to the speaker.  You owe the one you love the kindness of your full and complete attention.  Your eyes must meet  hers and  your ears  must be  fully opened to the things  that  are  being said. But,  if during the conversation,  you watch TV, glance  at  the newspaper, stare at the floor, or turn and walk away you send  the signal that you  are not interested in what  your wife  or husband  has to say.   You will  recall  that  in  the  presidential debates  between  George Bush Sr. and  Bill Clinton that  Mr. Bush  glanced  at his watch.   This action said,  "I am bored,  I've got  something else  to do, or  I am to busy for all this."   To many  husbands and  wives repeat  this fatal mistake in their marriages when they knowingly or unknowingly send the signal that they are bored with or through with the conversation.  A great listener listens with his eyes  (to see the body language), his ears (to focus intently on the message being sent), his mind (to seek with all his heart to understand), and his hands ( to reach out to her).  You must never be angry,  argumentative, or arrogant if you expect to hear the message fully  and  completely.   You must  empty  your  mind  of  all  other thoughts, your surroundings of all interruptions, and your attitude of all wrong behavior, and focus intently  and completely on  the things your spouse is saying.   If you sincerely love your  mate you  will give them  the awesome freedom of  speaking  and,  more im-portantly, the awesome  privilege  of being  heard.   Remember, you must  "Listen Carefully  By  Giving The  Speaker Your  Full  And Complete Attention".

 

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