Marital Moments

I  will conclude  this  lesson on  communication  with this topic,  "Communication Is Often Damaging And Harmful".   When speaking to  our mate  we must realize that the words we use can be very harmful.  We must choose carefully the words we use so that  we do not damage  or hurt our husband  or wife.  First,  Words  Can Be As Destructive As Fire.  In James 3:5-6 the Bible says,  "Behold, how great  a matter a little  fire kindelth.  And the  tongue is a fire,  a world  of iniquity:  so  is  the  tongue among our members,  that it defileth the whole body,  and setteth on fire  the course of nature;  and it is set on fire of hell".  What a scathing  denunciation of our speech. When  the Bible  compares the  tongue to fire  it is using a  very  vivid  and accurate illustration  of the potentially  destructive force of our words.  (1) Fire Can Burn Out Of Control. There are few things in this world like fire. If you spill a glass of water it will never become a flood.  Fire,  however,  will burn  as long  as it  has fuel to burn. Words are like fire.  They will continue  to  burn as  long as you  give them fuel.  An argument between a couple will  continue as long  as you  keep throwing  "fuel"  into the mix.  One sharp word will be answered by another  biting and cruel word and the argument is set ablaze.  It will continue to burn out of control as long as the couple is willing to throw another  verbal log on the fire.  For the argument to stop,  either the husband or the wife must realize what is  happening and be willing to stop the verbal assault.  When  that  takes place  you have gone a long  way toward reducing,  if not eliminating  the  firestorm  of  words  that  keep  the  argument  ignited  and  blazing. (2) Fire Can Hurt.  The destructive  force of fire can readily be seen and felt through the  awful pain from  the burns and scars.  Words can hurt deeply  and the scars can remain indefinitely.  When I was  growing up kids often said, "Sticks and stones may break  my  bones,  but  words  can  never  hurt  me".   I  soon  discovered  that  the statement  was  not  true.   You can recover  completely  from a  broken  bone,  but harmful  and  hurtful  words  can  remain  in your  heart  for years  unforgotten  and unhealed.   And  (3) Fire Can Contaminate.   Long after  a fire has  been put  out the smell of smoke lingers.  A partially burned house  can retain the smell of smoke long after the repairs have been made.  Words  that are spoken in  anger can linger  in the air long after the argument has ended. The contamination of those bitter, angry,  and sarcastic  words are not easily forgotten or dismissed.  Second,  Words Can  Be As Disgraceful As Evil.  James  3:8 states,  "The  tongue  can  no  man tame;  it  is  an unruly evil".   It is a disgrace how some couples talk to each other.  You would think that  there  had never been  a kind word spoken between the two.  The harsh words they use,  the crude manner in which they use them,  and the  intentions  behind the words  are absolutely evil.  This kind  of communication  is  definitely  wrong.   The Christian  should  never  use  that  kind  of  speech  in  talking  to  their  mate.   Our language must be consistent.   James 3:9-12  boldly states that,  "Therewith bless we God,  even  the  Father:  and  therewith  curse  we men,  which are  made  after  the similitude of  God.  Out  of  the same mouth  proceedeth  blessing  and cursing.  My brethren,  these things ought  not so to be.  Doth a fountain  send forth  at the  same place sweet water  and  bitter?  Can  the fig tree,  my  brethren,  bear  olive  berries? either  a  vine, figs?  So  can  no  fountain  both  yield  salt  water  and  fresh".   Our communication  must be one or the other.  We cannot do both:  bless God and curse our mate.  God is not please with  that kind of  behavior.  Third, Words Can Be As Deadly As Poison.  Again in  James 3:8  the  Bible  says,  "The  tongue is... full  of deadly poison".   Words spoken in anger and haste are like poison that lies silently in the heart and slowly kills the relationship.  The cruel and bitter words that you speak can  completely  poison the marriage  and rob it of its life and vitality.  If you cannot build up your  mate with friendly  and kind words  then  it would be  better for  your silence  to be  your wisdom.   Remember that, "Communication Is Often Damaging And Harmful".