As we look at "Becoming One" we must realize that oneness does not come easily nor cheaply. It takes total dedication by husband and wife to achieve this goal. Therefore, there must be a strong commitment to The Developing Of One-ness. Genesis 2:24 states that, "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". How do two distinct in-dividuals merge into this "one flesh" state that God speaks about in His word? How do they become one? (1) By Disconnecting From Things That Hinder Oneness. The Bible states that a man shall "leave" some very important things in order to become one with his wife. In Genesis 2:24 the man is to leave his parents. Both husband and wife are to server that emotional bond with their parents. Of course you still love them, honor them, and respect them but all your attention must be turned toward your mate. Parents should not have control over the marriage. It is a relationship destroyer. Whenever your parents interfere with your marriage your partner must compete with them for your attention. The very best thing you can do is to leave father and mother and transfer all your love and attention to your husband or wife. Not only must you disconnect from parents but also from things. Hobbies, sports, and other people can also hinder the process of becoming one. These must be recognized and eliminated if your marriage is to be successful. Self and selfishness is a big hindrance to become one. You must aban-don self and give your undivided attention to your mate. Marriage is costly. It will cost you your time, energy, freedom, and much hard work if you make it a lasting and fulfilling marriage. (2) By Meeting Each Others Needs You Encourage One-ness. Your father and mother have been meeting your needs for a large part of your life. Friends and acquaintances have also met your needs. These important people have provided you with love, support, security, and emotional well being over the years. Now your mate must provide all these things. Failure to do so re-sults in division rather then unity. In his book, His Needs, Her Needs, author and clinical psychologist, Willard Harley, sums up the needs of both husband and wife in an interesting and unique way. According to Mr. Harley the husband needs sexual fulfillment, a recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. The wife's needs are affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and family commitment. While these do not hold true for everyone, they do provide interesting guidelines for those who are faithful-ly committed to becoming one. Meeting your mates needs must be a top priority. You cannot permit these very important needs to go unmet or uncared for if you expect your marriage to survive and become one as God intended. Give this important task your greatest effort. Remember, if you would Become One you must be committed to Developing Oneness.
